I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
