It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
