I accidentally had phone sex last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
