no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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