I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
please come you make the beer taste better
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
