Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
