did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
