Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
