Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
