I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this will be a night to untag.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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