The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up under a house in Key West
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
