yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize