I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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