you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
