Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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