I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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