don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
