I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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