Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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