we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
