we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
