Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
