i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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