so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize