So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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