i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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