There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
