Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
