just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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