At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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