She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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