I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize