Pappa wants mamma naked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
