so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize