I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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