Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
