it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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