I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
