Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
