Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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