They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
