At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
