just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
