what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
