Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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