I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
