no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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