Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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