Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
