yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I am morally bankrupt
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
