Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
