The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think a kid would responsible me up
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
