Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
