Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
