Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
