She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
