where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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