It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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