I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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