You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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