ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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