Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
