Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
