I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
