Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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