Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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