You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
